


I'm Not Him

by ouzell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Black Family (Harry Potter) - Freeform, F/M, Gay, Gay Sirius Black, Grief, Grimmauld Place, Harry Potter spoilers, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Minor Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Mystery, Post-Marauders' Era, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Sirius and Harry bonding, Sirius black dying, The Marauders - Freeform, The Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Time Travel, Young Sirius Black, abuse mention, eventually some gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-09 01:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15256281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouzell/pseuds/ouzell
Summary: Since his godfather's death, Harry has been torn apart by grief. His only wish is to have what little family he had back- but maybe in a world where magic is real you should be more careful what you wish for.





	1. Preface: What's That Sound?

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this all on my phone so I'm sorry if the format is messy lol  
> Also this chapter is kind of just the preface to the main storyline

    More times than he could remember Harry had sat in bed hoping and wishing to finally have a home and family with his godfather. As a matter of fact he had spent countless hours agonizing over what he could have done to save him, what he should have done. In the end, he was told to face the facts. Sirius wasn't coming back- the only family he had ever had wasn't coming back, and it was impossibly painful to come to terms with. Looking at memories of him was hard enough as it is, and being reminded of the emptiness of Grimmauld Place seemed the most daunting of all. The place that held so many terrible memories for his godfather that was now his property; he'd have to return to it inevitably. But the persistent gloom that hung over the place was hard to shrug off. He started to understand all too well the lonely uselessness that had begun to weigh down on Sirius during his time there.  
    Still, he felt a kind of duty to him to return. After all, that was where he had spent the most time with his godfather, made the most happy memories. He tried to hold onto the warm yellow glimmer of everyone enjoying Christmas there, of cleaning it out and finding miscellaneous magical items, of listening in on The Order during their secret conversations. Now it just felt like each memory had a hole in it.  
    Harry tried to brush off the feeling as he crossed the threshold, trying to be as quiet as possible lest he start Mrs. Black's shrieking again from the stairs. The stillness of the place would have been eerie if he didn't just find it lonely. Both Hermione and Lupin offered to go with him, but he wanted to be alone for this visit. Maybe he could find some comfort in it, maybe finally say some kind of goodbye. If he was being honest, he didn't know exactly what he expected to get from it. He made his way through the rooms quietly, eyes roving over the dimly lit antiques and ominous portraits. When he eventually came across it, he gazed at the Black family tree once more, all too many faces blasted off due to disgrace. With a finger he traced the place where his godfather's portrait had been, first bitter about it, then realizing he should have been glad. Sirius didn't want to be on this tree, didn't want to be a part of the family that had disowned him. He admired that, and found comfort in the fact that his father had taken Sirius in afterward. What kind of trouble they had gotten up to he couldn't imagine. This led to him smiling at the thought of his young godfather being so openly rebellious. So, he made his way up to the room he had saved for last: Sirius' old bedroom.  
    There were still pictures of scantily clad women irreversibly stuck to the walls, along with a multitude of Gryffindor flags, scarves and other paraphernalia. He felt like he was thrown into the past, a past he wished he could have known more of. But what he found odd was that the bed was unkempt, and the drawers seemed to have been disturbed. It was as if someone had been living there. He frowned. Whoever it was, they could still be there. These were dangerous times, especially after the battle at the Ministry. Harry withdrew his wand warily, trying to be even more quiet than before as he descended the stairs. There were sounds coming from the kitchen.  
    The creak of the wooden door as he entered made him wince, but that didn't stop the sound of clinking and shuffling, like something was being rifled through. Mundungus no doubt, trying to steal something of value. That old familiar fury for his godfather started rushing through his veins as he readied his wand and made himself known.  
    "You'd better tell me who you are and what you're doing here before I decide to blast you through that wall." Now he wished he had asked someone to come with him- this could be dangerous. An unfamiliar figure had its head in the fridge, rummaging through the little food left in it. When Harry made his appearance, there was a thump and pained grumbling as a dark head of hair came into view.

    "Im Sirius Black and I bloody live here, that's what." But once the man actually saw Harry, familiarity washed over his face. "Prongs? What are you doing in this god awful place?"  
  
    Harry was shocked, practically frozen to the spot. That long dark hair, the handsome face, the grey eyes filled with laughter- it was Sirius. Much younger Sirius, but still Sirius. It was funny, but the thing that first surprised him was seeing him in a Rolling Stones t-shirt and jeans for the first time. It was so casual, and so... 70s.  
    "I'm not James." Was all he could manage. The perplexed expression on the other's face soon turned into amusement.  
  
    "Sorry mate, you just look so much like him! Although I don't remember him having a brother..." That easy grin was such a reassuring image. But was he dreaming? Was this a ghost? A hallucination? "Who are you, anyway, coming into my house and demanding things of me?" He didn't say it in an accusing tone, more of a relaxed way, as if it were lightly amusing conversation.  
  
     It was hard to know how to answer. He figured he ought to explain, but the urge to ask him to explain first was almost overwhelming. "I'm Harry. James'..." he paused. This Sirius seemed to know nothing of the horrible events that followed their youth. There was so much bad news to break, it was hard to reply so easily. "...cousin."  
  
    "Well any family of James is family of mine. I'd offer you tea, but it turns out we don't have anything to eat in this hovel." He chuckled. "'Guess I'll nip out for something later. I just can't seem to find my wand anywhere..." It sounded like a frequent problem- he was checking his pockets. Still, Harry couldn't think of anything to say. He could only watch the man's face, the ease with which he smiled and laughed. There were no lines or shadows on it anywhere, no horrible memories that had worn away his optimism.  
  
    "Don't go out! Don't go anywhere." That was what finally clicked- Sirius would be dead again in a second if he showed his face anywhere. "It's not safe."  
  
    This earned him a quirked brow as the man in question continued looking through drawers and cupboards. "And stay in this place? No thank you, Harry."  
  
    Hearing his name from that voice struck him, but he continued nonetheless. He could feel Hermione frowning over him as he said it, but he couldn't help himself. "James sent me-"  
  
    "If he wants me gone so bad, he's going to have to try harder than that."  
  
    "Dumbledore's orders."  
  
    That at least got some attention. Sirius stopped rummaging and looked over with concern. "Is Remus okay? Nothing happened to him, did it?"  
  
    "Lup- Remus is okay, things are just dangerous right now." What kind of hole had he dug himself into now? This really did seem like it was Sirius, just from a different time. But how could this be true? And Lupin, what would he say? Should he tell him? Should he tell anyone? Of course he should, but they might send his godfather back to wherever he came from, and that was (selfishly) the last thing he wanted.  
  
    "You're being more mysterious than the old man himself." Sirius didn't seem to appreciate the vague statements he was getting, but also seemed to understand a little bit that there was a reason for it. "Well.. I am a little confused about how I got here. Think you could clear some things up for me, Harry?" The scruffy young man sat down at the kitchen table, and Harry followed suit, still feeling a little in a daze. "One moment I'm in the Griffindor commons, the next I'm on the floor of this place. Have you any explanation for that?" His expression said he knew the entire truth wasn't being told, and in the pit of his stomach Harry knew this wasn't going to last. His lies were far too flimsy. Luckily, they were about the same age, so he felt there wasn't quite so much of an advantage on Sirius' part.  
  
    "All I know is that Dumbledore doesn't want you leaving, and that everyone's okay." And, knowing that it was inevitable he would do so, made a comforting promise. "I'll bring Remus over tomorrow, yeah?"  
  
    This seemed to satisfy his questions enough for the time being. He took a moment to mull it over, then nodded. "I guess I have no reason to distrust you." He chuckled good naturedly. "Besides, you have the same eyes as a friend of mine. 'Makes you feel very trustworthy." Of course he did. Of course he would notice that. This last comment made a lump form in Harry's throat, but he had to push it down in order to push back his chair and get ready to leave. It wasn't like he was about to go tell anyone, but being around Black like this after what happened was a little disorienting, and usually he would be wanting to spend all time he could with him.  
"Leaving already? This place is bloody lonely without my mother's disapproving glares." It made them both smile, that comment.  
  
    "I've got... stuff to take care of. I'll be back though. I promise I won't leave you alone." This last sentence may have held a little too much significance, but he hoped his tone hadn't given too much of it away. "And I'll bring food." Harry smiled and took one last look at his godfather before turning and leaving as casually as he could manage. For all he knew, it was all a dream and he'd go back to an empty kitchen the next day.

 

    "What a strange kid..." Sirius only shrugged and started searching for something to go with the stale crackers he had found in one of the dusty cupboards.


	2. Did He Just Give Me A Noogie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter written on my phone!! And don't worry- next chapter we're getting lots of Remus

    "Oi! Look who's back!" An exuberant young Sirius slid down the banister toward Harry, strikingly reminiscent of the Weasley twins. "I was beginning to think you'd never come 'round." Even if it were only overnight, he had gotten terribly hungry in that short period of time. His eyes were drawn to the box of food and clothes that had been brought. "Those are for me I hope?"  
  
    Harry couldn't help but smile. "You bet- I brought some of Mrs. Weasley's pie, too-" In the past, her cooking had been his godfather's favorite, but now it was a little strange, seeing as he hadn't even met her yet. Unless they went to school together... another question he should like to ask. In the end, his slip of the tongue didn't even matter. His hungry house guest was too busy taking the supplies into the kitchen and rifling through it on the table. He held up the clothes that came in the care package with skepticism. His charming face peeked around them as he spoke.  
  
    "These look like something an old man like Nicholas Flamel would wear. Things must be really rough out there if you couldn't get anything better." The funny thing was, those were some of /his/ clothes. Admittedly they were from when he was about twenty years older, but it was odd to see the scorn with which he regarded them. "I can manage with what's upstairs, I'll just have to live through my Simon and Garfunkel phase again." He snorted. "Cheers anyway, Harry." And he took a hearty bite out of a hunk of cheese that had been brought. It was like watching a ghost eat.  
  
    "Sorry I didn't bring Lu- er, Remus today." He wracked his brain for a plausible explanation. "Werewolf business." Woah high five Harry, that was some surprisingly quick thinking.  
  
    Sirius' head perked up at the word 'werewolf', as if he were surprised to hear that Harry knew. Apparently that secret was kept even better back when the Marauders were in school. "He's alright though, isn't he?" And almost as if it were an afterthought, "James too- and Peter?"

    Peter. That was someone Harry hadn't given much thought to in the recent past, aside from despising him for ruining their lives, of course. Still, it wasn't easy to lie about either him or his father's condition. "Don't worry. Dumbledore has things under control." That seemed like a pretty good way to both be cryptic and reassuring. He felt like he was walking in the older wizard's footsteps by being so mysterious, but his vague behavior made a little bit more sense.  
  
    Even as he was gnawing on a piece of bread, Black managed a dissatisfied look. But it was never a very successful venture trying to push more information out of something Dumbledore had provided. "Fine, but I still don't understand why I have to stay cooped up in this place. I don't even understand how I got here!" His exasperation was showing, and he knew it. Grumpily, he took another canine-like bite and chewed in silence. "Sorry. You know as much about this as I do." That was partly true.  
  
    "If I find out I'll tell you. I don't have to be at Hogwarts over break, so-"  
  
    "Really? Just yesterday I was there and it was packed-" he narrowed his eyes in thought, chewing quietly. "Could I have time traveled...?" Then chuckled at himself. "No, I probably just had too much to drink at The Hog's Head." But at the moment it sounded all too plausible.  
  
    "You don't have a time turner on you, do you?" Harry said it humorously, but genuinely wondered if that was what had happened. After all, they had saved Sirius with one once before.  
  
    "I don't think I know what that is. Moony would though, he's always got his nose in a book- he and that girl you remind me of are 'perfect Prefects' together. They're kind of the biggest dorks in the history of Hogwarts."  
  
    "They were prefects?" Harry didn't remember Remus telling him about that.  
  
    "Still are! James is always trying to use that to his advantage, if you catch my drift." Boy, that 70's slang was still in full swing, wasn't it? Although it sounded oddly American... "But you probably know all about Lily already, don't you?" He started looking through the food selection once more as he spoke. "I mean I can dig that she's a foxy chick, but that means jack squat when she doesn't even give him the time of day." A shrug, "I say give it up."  
  
    "No!" Harry burst out, "I mean- no. He shouldn't give up hope yet." It made his cheeks warm to say something so dramatic, but he felt it needed to be said.  
  
    This prompted a strange look from his godfather. "I bet you're the reason he hasn't." Harry was taken aback, but liked to think that that was the case, even if it wasn't necessarily meant as a compliment. Especially after the few times he had seen his parents, even if it wasn't tangible.  
  
    "I... haven't seen him in a long time." That was one way to put it.  
  
    "Haven't seen James? It sounds like you miss him."  
  
    "Yeah. I just wish I knew him better. I wish I could talk to him."  
  
    "You must not see him very often then, cause he can talk for ages." The sentence hung in the air for a moment before he seemed to understand just how solemn the conversation had gotten. "But about that time travel thing- it's probably just nonsense. Although, something crazy must have happened if not even Kreacher is prowling around this place. That's what's worrying me. Not that I'd ever worry about my mother.." A staccato chuckle.  
  
    "Well.." Harry felt that if he was really going to tell Lupin about this, he couldn't just dump all of this on Sirius at once. So, what should he do? Tell him a little at a time? That seemed like the best choice. He gathered up his courage and tried to word things as best he could. "I think you might've time traveled, but.. further than you think." This immediately sparked a mix of alarm and curiosity in the other's eyes. "Kreacher is working at Hogwarts, and Mrs. Black is-" he wondered if this would be distressing news, "she's gone." Surprisingly, he was met with a sigh of what sounded like relief.  
  
    "As sad as it is that I'm not mourning the loss of my mother, I'm actually quite relieved. She was getting meaner the older she got, the old hag." His humorous face winced, but only because he didn't want to seem insensitive. "Honestly I've been worried she was going to step through that door any minute." It was all repaired with a chuckle. "Really Harry, all I'm worried about are my friends. The rest are pretty insignificant to me." And he finished off his sentence with a smirk and a long drink of the pumpkin juice that'd been brought along.  
    That was what worried Harry. That all he cared about was his friends' well being. If one was dead, one was a servant of Voldemort, and one was brutally shunned by society, what was he going to say? But his thoughts were interrupted before he could figure it out.  
     "They are alright, Harry?" He could obviously see the worry in the boy's eyes. There was something he wasn't saying, and it was beginning to trouble him more with each passing minute. Something was off. "If you've been lying to me I'll go aggro on you, I will." Although he was offering a half smile to soften the blow of his words, it was blatant he still meant it.  
  
    It was inevitable that Harry would have to tell the truth, but he was dreading it. Sirius seemed so happy before all of the horror of Voldemort happened. He laughed so easily, ate so heartily, and his jokes were as carefree as they were on the other Sirius' brightest days. The last thing he wanted was to start the process that etched worry lines into his face and made him tired- tired of the world. But, he also couldn't keep him in the dark forever. He tried to pinpoint a good place to start. "Sirius, you traveled more than a few days." The man in question nodded slowly, trying to process what he was saying like a rational adult. "You're about twenty years ahead of where you came from, and I'm-"  
  
    "Twenty years?!" It had gotten to the point that his godfather couldn't contain himself anymore. He had very little self restraint when it came to his big mouth, and this was no different. His eyes searched, as if looking for some kind of explanation. There was a laugh of disbelief. "And you're the only one who knows, aren't you?" Harry nodded in response. "Bloomin' hell. Well, I guess that explains the changes in this shack. I was wondering why my face was blasted off the 'tree." Another snicker, "Good for you, future Sirius."  
  
    "Things have changed a lot. Voldemort has come back and he's only getting more powerful, and the last time I saw him, you-" This time he only stopped because his voice wavered. It was lucky, because if he hadn't he might've told him some very distressing information.  
  
    "Voldemort? Bugger chose a ridiculous name, if you ask me. Back? When did he make an appearance in the first place?"  
  
    "Let's just say it's a long story." One that he wasn't sure he could tell. That was another reason he needed to tell him about this.  
  
    "Well at least all your bloody mystery makes sense now. You just couldn't tell me about the other Marauders because of some weird paradox thing. Like in those... I think they're called movies? Like photographs for muggles." He shrugged. "Moony tried to show me a few."  
  
    "Until I know what to do, just stay here, yeah?"  
  
    "Yeah yeah- oi! If you're Prongs' cousin, then you must know future me! Am I still as cool as I am now? Er, as cool as I was?" It was an inadvertent way to ask what he was like, what had become of him.  
  
    Harry could only change the subject. "I'm not his cousin, actually." He took a moment to pause. "James and Lily were my parents, and you're my godfather."  
  
    Those grey eyes widened, not only at the fact that Lily had finally given James a chance, but that he was a godfather. Didn't that technically mean he had a kid? "I'm a godfather... I'm a godfather?" He barked another laugh of incredulity, looking at the younger boy with new eyes. "I knew it! You looked way too much like him to just be a cousin." Harry smiled at his reactions, but it was a heavy smile. Sirius was enjoying the way things turned out now, but once he had more information things would definitely take a turn for the worse. "Tell me more- what're Moony and Wormtail up to these days? 'They have kids too?"  
  
    He was afraid that this was where it was going to go. There was no way he could tell him everything at once. "I can't say any more. Besides, I've got to go before anyone gets suspicious about how much time I'm spending here."  
  
    Sirius frowned, frustrated with the lack of information. "If I'm your godfather, doesn't that mean I have some authority over you?" He smirked, then with surprisingly quick movement grabbed Harry and started giving him a noogie.  
  
    "Hey!" He struggled, but it was useless against the strength of an older boy that lifted weights just to peeve off his mother about muggles.  
  
    He let him go after a second anyway, laughing. "I guess it is more like having a brother, huh?" Sirius ruffled Harry's hair, which looked just as messy as it had an hour ago. "I'll let you go- this time."  
  
    The younger of the two have a soft chuckle, surprised by how energetic his godfather used to be. "Next time you'll get hit with a jelly legs jinx."  
  
    "Ooh, I'm so scared. Now go get back to your future person business! I've got old people nonsense to get up to."


	3. A Civil, Adult Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the chapters are so short! again, this entire thing for some reason is all on my phone cause i have no time 2 sit @ my computer like an actual human being

    "I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to tell me, Harry." Lupin was a little confused at hearing that Sirius was at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, but Harry's expression was sincere. So, he was beginning to reach the conclusion that his young friend was delusional with grief. It pained him to see him so, but it must be true.

   "I don't know how or why, but he's really there, and I don't think he knows why either. I promised him I'd bring you to see him today, and if you don't believe me you can come see for yourself." Lupin could tell that Harry felt no one else would understand. After all, they shared the grief of losing the person that they both loved so dearly. It was just problematic timing, since he was about to embark on a mission for Dumbledore, and he had Tonks to think about. This was just far too important for Harry to keep a secret.

    After a tired moment of thought, he nodded in consent. "You came to me because the others wouldn't believe you." An urge to offer him some chocolate prickled at the back of his mind by habit. He gave a reassuring smile instead. "Or that they'd take him away from you." The loss in Harry’s eyes confirmed that this was true, and that he was already comforted immensely by their conversation. "I understand, Harry. We'll go back there together."

 

-

 

    Revisiting Grimmauld Place was a particularly painful feat for Remus ever since Padfoot was killed, and to come back for this reason struck him as almost comedic. Nevertheless he went without hesitation, because Harry was very distressed, whether this strange time-travel phenomenon was real or not. He just wasn’t prepared for what it would actually be like.

   “I'll go get him, okay?“ Harry was telling him to wait downstairs while he went to speak to… what he could only assume was the fabled young man. In all honesty, he hoped that this wasn’t true, that it was just a magical creature or anomaly, but that made him feel guilty. Not only for hoping Sirius wasn't back, but for hoping his young friend was lying to him. When Harry had talked about it further, he was not only accurate, but seemed like he had been lifted out of his grief a bit. There was something for him to hold onto. Whether this was real or not, though, it would have to come to an end eventually.

     Somewhat impatiently, Remus made his way to the dining room, unable to sit down for the life of him. Even though it sounded irrational, he couldn't help but feel that he really was going to be seeing his old friend again- the problem was figuring out how to be the strong and rational adult for James’ son. For James- for them bloody both.  
    When the door creaked behind him, he took his time to lift his head. And when he turned around, the air froze in his lungs. A whisper was all that could be managed.  
    “Sirius…” It really _was_ him. That casual regality he had always exuded, those glinting grey eyes of his… it was all Sirius.

    The subject looked as if he were about to be embarrassed by such an emotional reaction, but quickly regained composure. “Moony, is that you? What happened! You've transitioned from werewolf to silver fox since Hogwarts!” Remus was at a loss for words. Before he knew it, Padfoot made his way over and didn't even hesitate for an enormous hug. He wasn't entirely sure how to react, other than to loosely hug him back- but he smelled the same, sounded the same, even his embrace felt the same. Fighting back tears, Lupin's arms wrapped around Sirius more tightly. It was like discovering he was innocent of his convictions all over again, but magnified by leagues.

    “I can't believe it.” It was all he could say without speaking of his death. Thinking himself entirely irresponsible behaving like this as the oldest person in the room, he put himself back together and took a good look at the young Sirius Black that stood before him. That strapping young man he had once known as a boy was back, healthy and happy as ever. Azkaban was the last thing on his mind. Remus was greeted with a grin.

    “Come now, shouldn't you be glad to see me? You always were so attached.” Black was only teasing, but it was just in an effort to lighten the mood- seeing his old friend act this way about meeting him again was worrying. So much pain hung in the air.

   Finally managing to get his emotions under control, Remus straightened and cleared his throat. Things had the potential to go very wrong if this wasn't done gracefully. “Padfoot, you're going to want to sit down- I have some bad news.”

   The young man very pointedly _didn't_ sit down, glancing at Harry as he asked, “What kind of bad news are we talking about?”

    This was not a good sign. Remus hoped that this could be done elegantly, without any more scarring memories for any of them. “Harry, would you leave your godfather and I alone to talk-”

    “No, Harry stays. He’s the only one who’s told me anything about what's happening anyway.” Their guest was starting to get agitated already- this was one worry of Remus’. He knew that a breakdown was a very plausible outcome from this.

    "Isn't this a conversation I should be a part of?" Unfortunately, Harry was joining in. Taking on two moody teenagers was not something he had been looking forward to.

    “Enough beating around the bush, just get it over with! Someone's dead, I know it!”

    “Padfoot, please-” If it were possible he should have liked to keep the boy from seeing Sirius get like this, but without as many years of maturity under his belt he would be much harder to control and reason with.

    In the little time that their argument had begun, anger had already taken over. Fear- loss and fear shone in his young friend’s eyes as he realized that he knew nothing of the future that would come to be, of the terrible fate that lay in store for the people he loved. As he spoke, his voice broke. “What happened, Remus?” Silence as the werewolf didn't know how to respond. The younger man raised his voice erratically, bringing a fist down on the dining room table. “Tell me!”

   His words broke a long silence. “Wormtail… he was James and Lily’s secret keeper. He betrayed them to the darkest wizard of our age, and they were killed.” It was said quietly, simply, but there wasn’t a single sound to compete, so it felt deafening. It was only left to hang in the air for a moment.

    As he took it all in, Sirius faltered back, catching himself against the table behind him. This seemed to jar him out of his thoughts, because in one quick movement, Sirius thrust his fist into the large dusty mirror that hung adjacent. He practically screamed as he sobbed in pain, loss, and what they knew was white hot fury.

    “Sirius, please!” Harry started to speak, no doubt thinking that he could say something inspiring to help with this. No, he didn't know what Padfoot was like sometimes. Or, used to be.. No, Remus ushered him toward the door and instructed that he go back to the Weasleys’. "But Lupin, I-"

    "Do as I say, Harry." This was no kind of scene he ought to let him witness. He was one of the only parental figures the poor boy had left, after all. Thankfully, Harry reluctantly did as he was told. 

    Behind them, Sirius had taken the liberty of pushing his family's fine china to the floor with a yell of anguish and a loud shattering sound. It was a bit of a whirlwind as things were thrown and pushed to the floor, but Remus tried to make his way over. “Padfoot!” It was as if he weren't there. (Were they really this dramatic when they were teenagers?”) He reached out a hand to try and bring him back to reality, but the other pulled away quickly.

    “Don't TOUCH me!” In fact he shoved Remus away, opting to storm out of the room and leave behind a terrible mess. That, or the beginnings of an even more terrible mess. There was nothing to do but follow after him- and he was most definitely not done. It was a blessing he didn't have a wand, or this would've been much worse, (and Mrs. Black’s portrait would no doubt have started screeching about Mudbloods again because of it.)

    “Sirius! You're behaving like a child!” He tried to call quietly to the upper floors as he ascended quickly, wincing at the crashing and ripping sounds that got louder the closer he got. Perhaps he ought to have expected this, but it wasn't like he was there the first time the news had been broken to the poor man, and that time he had made an attempt on Peter’s life. He didn't doubt that would have been the case once again if Padfoot had the chance.  
    The cacophony continued until he reached the fourth floor, where the trail of destruction eventually led to his friend’s old room. In the back of his brain he couldn't help but feel it was a terrible shame to destroy this now that he was dead, but knew that there were more urgent matters at hand. As he approached the doorway, the one responsible sank to his knees, in the middle of his room, finally seeming to calm into a sobbing mess of tears. Remus could only feel terrible. Why had he even told him about them in the first place? Couldn't they have kept this from him any longer? No, he realized. No they couldn't have. They couldn't have because neither he nor Harry was prepared or able to lie to him, whether he was the same person or not. They couldn't so soon after his death.

    “He.. he was my best friend- my brother.” Sirius’ young face was in his hands, shiny with blood and tears. As he sat back against his bed frame, he gave a tortured sigh and the beginning of a bitter chuckle, unable to keep himself from crying. “You probably know as well as anyone, Moony.” He closed his eyes and tipped his dark haired head back with a grimace of a smile. “But you're not Moony, are you? Not _my_ Moony. You're _his_ Moony. I'm not even supposed to be here.”

    Remus had taken a seat next to him as he spoke, listening with a heavy heart. Silence was held briefly as he put his thoughts into order. “I'm still me, Padfoot. I still remember how close you and James were- how close we all were.” With a half-smile, “I'm not a different person just because I've turned into an old man.”

    This earned him a little snort from Sirius, who was wiping his cheeks with the back of a torn up hand. He was quiet. It looked as if he had something he wanted to say, but wasn't sure he could. After a moment, he finally glanced over and spoke his mind. “Where am I, ’Moon? The Sirius that lived through all those years… what happened to him?”

    This question furrowed Remus’ brow as he looked at the rebellious decorations adorning the walls. They were like ghosts of a different time, a different person, even though he was right there next to him. He sighed. “He- you were killed recently.” It was said with solemnity, with certainty, as if he were still coming to terms with it himself. “You were protecting someone you loved very much.”

    “You?”

    He quickly looked up to meet Sirius' eyes at that reply, but could only chuckle when he saw the sincerity in them. “No not me, you idiot. Harry.”

    “Of course, Harry.” It seemed to sink in for a second and start to make sense. Then he groaned and slapped a hand to his forehead. “I'm a terrible godfather.”

    Remus couldn't help an incredulous laugh. “Padfoot, you died fighting for him.”

    “Yeah, but that wasn't me, was it? I'm not him.”

    That made them both quiet, as there wasn't anything that could be said to reassure him that he'd actually believe himself. It was an entirely too complicated subject altogether.  
    Instead of responding, he turned to face Sirius and gingerly took one of his injured hands in his. With ease, he tapped it lightly with his wand, “Episkey.” This healed Padfoot’s hand instantaneously, and the other as well once he turned his attention to it. When he was done, he held the bed frame for support and stood. This made him chuckle at how old he felt, even though he could barely even count as middle aged yet. “Try to keep from plunging your hands into any glass while I'm gone.” It was said as a joke, but it was also a sincere request. He wanted to make sure he could leave and not be worried about what his young friend would do while he was away.

    “I'll wait until you're back, don't worry.” An attempt was made at that easy smirk Sirius used to wear all the time. It was painful to see it start to go away again. “Say sorry to Harry for me?”

    “Of course.” He regretted not being able to comfort him on the subject more thoroughly, but it was hard to do so when he didn't have the answers to every question. In fact, he realized that a part of him had been expecting this Sirius to have answers for _him_. It was a ridiculous idea, he knew. What did he expect from him? To be the same? No, of course not.  
    With one last nod goodbye to his old friend, he closed the door behind him as he left. The tired man rested in thought for only a minute, before coming back to his senses and realizing his work was not over. Blood, glass, wood and other debris still littered the staircase, hallway, and downstairs landing. Not only that, but Mrs. Black's screams were fully audible once you entered the hallway. Lupin could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. In as orderly a way as possible, he waved his wand to repair as much of the damage as he could as he descended once more. The curtains to that terrible woman's portrait closed with muffled finality. With exhausted acceptance, he realized he'd have to finish the job the next day. It felt as if he were in a daze.  
    As soon as Remus reached the bottom, he sat down and buried his head in his hands, overwhelmed and tired and confused and above all else, missing his friend. Which one, he didn't even know himself. If he had the energy he would have liked to have a good cry, but with a sigh and a shake of his head, he stood once more. In a perfect world, he would be able to just curl up on those stairs and sleep for ages.  
    Why was it so much work to be a responsible adult?


	4. The Invisible Warlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chap from my phone folks I’ll go back later on my pc  
> I dropped this for a hot sec but it’s back up and running!! And I have quite a bit planned out

    The last thing the sleepy werewolf expected to smell when he woke up the next morning was (burnt) breakfast. Remus opened his groggy eyes and found himself splayed uncomfortably across the drawing room sofa. He must have fallen asleep before he had the chance to leave. It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

     He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and groaned as he stood to stretch and orient himself better. From the distant clanking and clattering in the kitchen, he thought himself obligated to check on what was going on downstairs. For comfortable reasons he left his shoes and coat behind, trying not to think about the mess he’d have to clean up when he finally finished making his sleepy way down the couple stories it took to reach the kitchen. When he eventually made it to the doorway, he gathered exactly what had happened.

      There Sirius was, eggs and other unidentified stickiness in his dark hair, and what looked like it could be breakfast strewn about the room. The young man took another quick glance at the mess and winced at Remus. “Still want some brekky, Moony? ‘Didn’t burn all of it.” 

    With a soft chuckle himself, he took the plate offered him and eyed what looked almost like something that had once been an egg. That man never could cook, could he?   Nevertheless, Remus took a seat at the little table they had for eating nearby and tried his best to look hungry. It wasn’t easy when the chef had somehow managed to both burn and undercook the meal at the same time. The ridiculousness of it forced a smile of laughter on his face, “It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?”

   “Hey, I happen to like mine like that.” Sirius mused, taking them and tossing the rest, (plate and all) into the bin. But when he turned around, he was met with the huge mess left over. And then there was Moony, weary and good as ever, thinking about how he was probably going to have to clean it up. It was true that magic made it easier, but some things took time and more complex spells that Sirius was probably too young to even know yet. Ignorance was bliss, wasn’t it? Remus chuckled to himself at the incredible significance of that enormous cliche. “Hey, don’t worry about the mess. I’ll take care of it.” He looked guilty about not only this, but his behavior the night before. Perhaps it was still troubling him, but Sirius was exactly the type to try and pull it together for his godson. A sad feeling of envy at his friend’s bravery sunk into his chest. Even in that moment he was fearful for too many reasons, whether they were on his mind or not. 

  “Well-“ he couldn’t help but smile at the younger of the two. It was a happy one, despite the circumstances. “I’m not exactly about to decline an offer like that.” Besides, he was still very tired, especially with the ever present stressors piling on top of each other by the day. 

  “Get some more sleep, ‘Moon. I can tell you need it.”

   “I can’t, I’ve got work to do.”

   “That’s a load of bollocks. You always do this- er, used to do this at Hogwarts too, and I know it’s because you won’t take care of yourself. So if you won’t, then I have to step in.” His expression was positively smug, but it very nearly brought the poor werewolf to tears. If anything could be said to persuade him to take a trivial nap, it would be that. 

   “I don't think so, ‘Pads. Tonks will go bonkers if she doesn’t hear from me soon.”

   Sirius’ expression changed to one of curiosity at the name, even if he didn’t know who it was. “Who’s Tonks?”

  Oh boy was that one big question. He took an exhausted breath and visibly resigned himself to the answer he gave. “A friend.”

  It was not very convincing. “Does she know you’re here?”

 That question made Remus’ gaze meet his abruptly, not particularly pleased with that question. “No, she does not.” The reply was reluctant, but he hoped it would motivate his friend to keep a low profile and not try to meddle. “I don’t like keeping secrets from her or anyone else, but this is something that needs some secrecy. Unfortunately, things were already a whirlwind before you got here.”

   “That sounds like bullshit, but whatever you say.” It was an aggressive statement, but he just shrugged and started working on cleaning the food plastered on the counter. “She’s going to find out eventually Moony, and when girls find out you’ve been keeping things from them they dump you.” He stopped scrubbing the counter for a moment as he spoke satisfactorily, “At least in my experience.”

  He was a little bit taken aback. Not by his number of girlfriends of course, because that was common knowledge; but by how right he knew he was. It wasn’t fair to her, but Moony reminded himself it was much more complicated than young Sirius knew. Not to mention his relationship with Tonks was complicated in general. “I’m being realistic.” He found himself speaking as if to the same Sirius that he had confided in all these years. “Tonks is young and has her whole life ahead of her, she doesn’t need or deserve an age-worn werewolf as a partner.” The word ‘werewolf’ was said with emphasis, as if it were a slur. He could feel his self hatred starting to manifest a lump in his throat. “It’s for her own good.” It was as if he had already accepted it. “I have nothing to offer her.” As he spoke these words he realized just how deep he was delving and felt wildly irresponsible for talking about this with someone that he was trying to be strong for. After all, he would never talk to a student so personally.

  His worries only seemed to be confirmed when he saw the annoyed concern in Padfoot’s face. The dishes in his hands were silent, held there as he seemed to actually stop and think before he spoke, which was a rare sight. When he finally did, it was almost with a kind of protective rage. “Don’t say anything like that to me again, Moony.” A lightning rod of surprise shot through Lupin at that unexpected response. “You’ve always been top of the class, always been the kindest person I’ve ever met. You’re someone that Prongs, Wormy and I were always proud to call our friend. And here you are, daring to sit in front of me and tell me how worthless you are?” He shook his head and put the plate in his hands down. “You’re a rugged werewolf dilf for Merlin’s sake, Remus! I could kill you for aging so well!” It made a hint of a smile return, but not without exasperation. He only called him by his name when he was being serious. His tone quieted once again as he continued. “If anything, Tonks doesn’t deserve you.” This looked like it started to cross his line of comfort a little so he averted his gaze nonchalantly and added, “Or whatever her name is.”

  It was the strangest thing, but for a moment there while he was listening to this rant, Remus felt an old feeling of being protected again. Sirius has always been the one to try and stand up for him before everything went south with Harry’s parents. He was always the one to break the emotional silence and speak to him plainly and honestly. To fight for him, at times. That sense of something like family, that’s what it was. It replaced the ever present loneliness Remus had come to be so familiar with. “It doesn’t change the fact that I won’t let myself hurt her.” Finality was the tone he chose, far set in his ways. It wasn’t that he was a stubborn man, but a man with no self worth.

 “Just because you’re a few years older than me doesn’t mean I’m going to accept your word as law.” 

 He smirked at the minimizing of their age difference. “Then we’ll agree to disagree, shall we?” Once again, Sirius was unhappy with that answer, and decided to resign himself to (failing) at properly scrubbing a dish. As a wealthy wizard, he had probably never touched dish soap in his life. Moony couldn’t help another amused smile, which seemed to be the case these days. He got up from his spot at the table and joined his side at the kitchen sink, then raised an eyebrow at the disaster created. It really was bad. And why on earth was there flour out if he was making eggs for breakfast? Muggles had a lot more common sense than magical folk did sometimes. With a wave of his wand and some murmured spells, he got to work getting things in order. After a few moments of quiet clinking and shuffling as things floated into their places, he turned his attention back to Sirius. The scrubbing brush gave a soft swishing sound as it scrubbed a pan in the sink of its own accord. He found himself missing Mrs. Weasley’s maternal presence. 

 “You couldn’t have done that sooner?”

 “I wanted to watch you use some elbow grease first.”

 “Did you now?”

 Remus scoffed and shook his head as he prepared to leave. After all, he had planned to leave the night before in the first place. “I’m leaving next week, so hopefully we can settle things before then.”

 “Leaving?”

 Moony paused. Things that Dumbledore assigned were always regarded with the utmost privacy. Then again, Sirius was technically a member of the Order of the Phoenix. With reluctance, “I’m being sent by Dumbledore to speak to the werewolves about where their loyalties lie.” The tone grew grim. “It’s imperative you keep this secret, understand? It could get a lot of people hurt.”

 “You mean people like you.” The other’s expression grew cloudy. “And Harry.” 

 “You know that Albus is only asking this of us to save others from suffering the same fate.” He couldn’t help but get a little impatient with worry over whether Sirius would keep this secret. It was an ominous reminder of his doubts in Sirius as James’ secret keeper. Guilt came in a wave over him for even doubting him for that reason in the first place. Peter did that, and Black maintained his innocence to the end. To the very end.

 “No I don’t, Remus! I’m not that other person, I have no idea what this big bad thing looming over everyone is and you’re the only familiar face I have in this place!” Despair and anger colored his words, which rang out with truth again. There wasn’t anything that Moony could say to contradict him, either. He had no idea who You Know Who was or how very merciless he was. Sirius just sighed with exasperation once again, knowing he had to control his temper before he threw another tantrum and made a fool of himself. “Just go, Moony. You’ve got important matters to attend to.” 

 Feeling as if he should stay, Remus fought his instincts. 

He turned and left.


	5. Foolishly Love Struck Teenager

 Sirius hadn’t expected Moony to just up and leave like that. At least, he knew that  _ his _ Moony would never have done that. He’d have felt too bad leaving the conversation at a bad point and come back to solve it. But he could already tell there were an innumerable amount of differences between this world and his. The difference in Remus was the tragic amount of pain and distrust he could see in the man. What happened? Back when they first discovered his lycanthropism they had been met with a similar attitude, but that had been helped with the Marauders. He supposed that losing all three of them had changed things. Sirius couldn’t imagine himself in Moony’s shoes. It would have been like losing all three of his friends on the same night, and they were everything to him. That was why he was so concerned with this Tonks chick. Her name sounded so familiar, he just couldn’t place it, and Moony just seemed so stuck on her. He’d never do something so selfless and destructive if he didn’t care for her. Sirius found that this bugged him. Maybe it was selfish, but he felt like  _ he  _ should have been the main priority. Dead beloved friend from the prime of your youth was a little more important than foolishly love struck teenager. But, he couldn’t talk, could he?

   After their argument, he had been left alone with his thoughts and his memories. It was true that he had already run away from home in his time, but he’d never been back again afterward. Whether his mother was dead or not, he could still feel the painful sting of her hand against the back of his head; the form of discipline she had chosen to move onto when he and Regulus grew too old to be spanked. In what was practically considered a royal family among wizarding bloodlines, this wasn’t really talked about. The hair stood up on the back of his neck, forcing a nervous chuckle out of him as he left the room. There was only one place in this house that he had felt anything akin to home. 

   The door still left ajar, he returned to his room with some nostalgia. It was only after he got a few strides in that he remembered the damage done the night before. The majority of what was on his walls had stayed where it was, but in all honesty so much had changed in this room during the time he’d lost that he didn’t quite remember what had been there in the first place. Most of it looked like his original unsticking spells, whereas the stuff he managed to tear up the night before looked like it had been saved for other reasons. Sirius realized he probably should be thinking about these kinds of things differently. This wasn’t  _ his  _ room, it was a dead man’s room. He hadn’t destroyed his own property, but all they had left of their dead loved one. His shoulders sagged and he sunk into his dusty bed with a sigh. It seemed he could never do anything right. But before he could go further down that train of thought, he remembered something. 

   As he leapt up from where he was, he violently hit his shin against a stool on the ground in the process. He stopped and winced, grabbing it with a few muttered curse words. After a quick moment, he resumed his original goal and reached the desk he had kept since his early youth. Hopefully everything he remembered would still be there. After rifling through the little drawers, he stopped at the bottom left. “Found them!” Although they must have been organized again since he had done the job last, he couldn’t help a feeling of satisfaction at finding the collection of letters he sat on the floor to examine. They’d aged and been added to over the years, but it was the same one he remembered. It had the same ancient ribbon of velvet in royal purple, although one letter was left outside of its hold. It must have been added recently- as he inspected it, the letter sparked more of his interest. Not only was it addressed to him from Lily, but from 1981. Immediately he eagerly read its contents.

 

_ Dear Padfoot, _

_ Thank you, thank you, for Harry's birthday present! It was his favourite by far. One year old and already zooming along on a toy broomstick, he looked so pleased with himself, I'm enclosing a picture so you can see. You know it only rises about two feet off the ground, but he nearly killed the cat and he smashed a horrible vase Petunia sent me for Christmas (no complaints there). Of course, James thought it was funny, says he's going to be a great Quidditch player, but we've had to pack away all the ornaments and make sure we don't take our eyes off him when he gets going. _

_ We had a very quiet birthday tea, just us and old Bathilda, who has always been sweet to us, and who dotes on Harry. We were so sorry you couldn't come, but the Order's got to come first, and Harry's not old enough to know it's his birthday anyway! James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell -- also, Dumbledore's still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much. Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons; I cried all evening when I heard. _

_ Bathilda drops in most days, she's a fascinating old thing with the most amazing stories about Dumbledore, I'm not sure he'd be pleased if he knew! I don't know how much to believe, actually, because it seems incredible that Dumbledore could ever have been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind's going, personally! _

_ Lots of love, _

_ Lily _

 

   The letter looked as if it’d been repaired after the last mention of Dumbledore’s name, but that wasn’t what caught Padfoot’s eye. Just as she said she would, a photograph of the family was enclosed. It was repaired too, with the rip just managing to cut Lily out of the picture. “Huh.” Mysteries aside, he couldn’t help but stare at not only his older friends, but younger Harry riding the toy broom that he’d apparently sent the boy. With all that happiness in that little face and how obviously it spread to his parents, it made sense that children were called bundles of joy. It made his heart sink that this was all gone. Even if it was something he never had, James, Lily, Harry- they all deserved this. The newfound fury he had for Wormtail was something he never thought he’d experience, but knowing about how he escaped all of this had him feeling violent. There was an urge to pocket the letter, to keep it forever, but he knew that was unrealistic. Technically he’d never even met those people, let alone been the one to receive the letter. With heavy hands he folded it back up and placed it with the others. 

   After flipping through them once more, he found what he was looking for. Before she married a muggle-born and was blasted off of the family tree when he was younger, Andromeda was Sirius’ favorite cousin. Then, of course, she’d been cut off as a blood traitor and letters were a little harder to get a hold of. Still, as he scanned the one in his hands he nodded in confirmation at spotting the name. “Ted Tonks”. That was where he heard it. ‘Dromeda had married Ted Tonks and become Andromeda Tonks, and when he was just fourteen the news of a child was the only update he could remember. There were no other Tonks family members, so that must mean… the kid was pining after Moony.

  As it sunk in, his hands sunk too. He thought about that, that his relative was the one he was competing for attention with. This, too, made him smile, but in a kind of grim irony. Things had been put into a bit more perspective. Yes, Moony was right about her being a bit young, but a little more than ten years wasn’t much, especially in the middle of a war. Sirius cursed. She was technically younger than he was, but because of these time shenanigans, now she had almost ten years on  _ him _ . No wonder Moony regarded him differently. Finding himself far less satisfied than he had before delving into the letters, Padfoot gave a sigh and replaced the bundle of letters. 

   But the unfamiliar sound of the front door opening pricked at his ears, causing him to scramble to his feet. Damn, what was he supposed to do? He had no wand! That could be anyone, member of the Order or not. Of course- why hadn’t he thought of it before? 

   When he started his cautious way down the first landings of stairs he was quiet, but as he caught the familiar scent, hurried down with his tail wagging high in the air. Harry looked surprised to see that shaggy black dog again, and happily knelt to pet him- but ‘Snuffles’ became preoccupied with something else all of a sudden.

  He sniffed curiously, following the trail all the way to the umbrella stand. He recognized it from Remus, but it couldn’t have been him. Sirius quickly changed back into human form.

   “What is it?”

   He wasn’t sure how keen his godson would be about telling him information about the future. “You know my cousin Tonks, right?” He found it interesting how the other’s face brightened at the name.

   “Yeah, she’s loads of fun. Although lately she’s been pretty down.” That gloom started to spread over his features again in an almost sheepish way. “Hermione and Ron think she blames herself for what happened to you.” 

   Sirius respected his frankness. He also realized that Moony was probably keeping what he had said about their relationship a secret from everyone else. Of course he would. “Well you probably can’t say much about that, but I’m glad she’s alive and well.” He smiled and resumed his easygoing composure, “So, what brings you to Buckingham Palace today, Harry?”

   Grateful for the change in subject, he reached into his pockets. “I brought you Honeydukes! Lupin said you would like sweets.” 

   At the mention of Honeydukes, he perked up. “Every Flavor Beans too, I hope?” 

   “Those and some of everything else in the place.” 

   “Y’know, you’re a lot nicer than your father.” Sirius smirked and put an arm around the shorter one’s shoulder, “Or maybe I’m just saying that because you brought me food.” He headed into the drawing room so that they could relax while they talked instead of one of those tense adult conversations. With a smile he tossed himself onto the sofa and left Harry to sit in the chair next to him. The latter poured the contents of his pockets onto the floor between them. 

   “So, how are you Sirius?” It was a tentative but straightforward question, to which the answer ought to be honest. Besides, how could he lie to Harry? 

   He reached an elegant hand down to grab a licorice wand and tore off a piece with his teeth before answering. “As you probably suspected, I’ve been better. Moony and I had something like an argument this morning, and I’m still a little disoriented by this whole time travel ordeal.” Another bite was taken and he took the moment to chew it. “But you’ve been a comfort through the whole thing. I’m glad James made me your godfather.” He glanced to Harry, who looked humbled as he ate his jelly beans. That was okay, he didn’t blame the kid. “I know I’m not ‘Sirius Black, man who died to save you’, but you’re still like a son and brother to me.” A chuckle. “Even if I’ve never met you before.”

   “That’s not exactly your fault.”

   “I still have no right to take the other Sirius’ place, do I?”

  Harry had to say something. “You shouldn’t compare yourself to him like that. Besides, you’re family, you’ve always been family.” 

   It looked like they had both found family in unconventional places. It was strange, but this reminded him of talking to James. Sirius didn’t want to impose Harry’s dad’s reputation upon him, but he really was like his father. It was only different because James could fend for himself, but it was Padfoot’s duty to protect his orphaned son. “You’re my family now, Harry. I’d die for you all over again if I needed to.”

   This may not have been the best thing to say, considering the darkened expression on the other’s face, but Padfoot figured it was the thought that counted. “I don’t need anyone else I love dying for my sake.” The messy-haired boy put down his candy. “But I love you too, Sirius.” He smiled, “Just because you came from Hogwarts doesn’t mean you’re a stranger.”

   Sirius sat up a little with a smile in return as he absorbed what Harry had said. “You give good advice.”

   “I learned from the best.”

   His eyebrows rose at the implication that he had learned from him, and gave an incredulous chuckle in response. “Not me, I hope. Moony- even Wormtail gives better advice than I do!”

   All the younger of the two did was shake his head with a persistent smile. As he stood, he prodded the pile of candy with a toe of his sneaker. “You can eat the rest. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

   “Aw, going so soon?” Sirius leapt up from the couch and gave Harry the biggest hug of his life. “Didn’t think I’d let my godson leave without a proper goodbye, did you?” Another rough tousle of the hair and he was about to let go, when the other refused to. 

   “Sorry, just missed it is all.” The boy wiped his teary eyes.

   “‘S’alright Harry.” It saddened him to see him so distraught, but he knew there was nothing that could be done about that. “Don’t worry about bringing me everything off Honeydukes’ shelves next time. I should be feeding you anyway.” He gave a comforting paternal pat and squeeze of Harry’s shoulder.

    A nod and brave smile. “Stay safe.” And James’ son was out the door. It was a curious feeling, to miss someone you didn’t know existed. It was almost worse, especially when you imagined him on a toy broom being happy with his family. 

   For some reason, it all felt like his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be the biggest remus/sirius fan this side of the universe but y'all can BET I'm a Tonks stan I love her to death  
> also, if you didn't recognize the letter it's from the book, i didn't write that bit


End file.
